Once again I got a call from a stranger this morning claiming to have my cat. And once again it turned out that they did have my cat, my wayward cat Fil. This time it was even further away, at 780 Sunshine which is down the way along Arrowhead, a street that deadends right across from the house.

Now, what the fuck is she doing? I have my theories. Here are the top ten:

10. She's thinking about making a run for city council and needs to press the flesh.

9. She's jealous of Toonces and is looking for a car to drive.

8. She's canvassing the neighborhood looking for suspicious characters and activity as one would under the current threat levels as outlined by the United States Department of Homeland Security. (She might be a Samoan national, but she's as patriotic as any new émigré).

7. She's trying to induce cardiac arrest in her human.

6. She's looking for the Northwest Passage.

5. She's making a run for the mall in Flagstaff before the after Christmas sales come to an end.

4. She's not thrilled with the carb levels Meow Mix and wants to go back on the Atkins Diet.

3. She's not happy about the prospect of spending a rocking New Year's Eve with Dick Clark.

2. She just wants me to get to know the neighbors.

And the number one reason Fil is Trying to Escape...

1. She’s trying to rendezvous with the mother ship.

That's all I can think of on short notice. Perhaps you have a better theory.