It really bothers me how reactive American airport security is. Some guy tries to bomb a plane with his shoes and now we all have to take off our shoes at security. There's some plot to bomb planes with some liquid explosive and little nazi-esque security dwarfs scream at us to put all of our liquids in a 3 ounce container and place them in the zip lock bag (forget the fact that don't make available 3 oz. bottles or even zip lock bags for this purpose). Next thing you know we'll hear of someone who tried to blow up an airport with his boxers and we will all be forced to fly commando. It's crazy.

So when I went through security in Austin, they confiscated my unopened 8 oz bottle of water. When they took it away, the TSA guard asked me if I wanted to drink it outside and I just looked at him like he was nuts and said, what do think, that I'm going to blow up a plane with this bottle of water? What does he respond? "Terrorists are creative." Right. Whatever. Forget that he's accusing me of being terrorist. I suppose they have to be somewhat vigilant, but this is just beyond absurd.

Can you imagine a scenario where a terrorist comes to an airport with explosives in a bottle of water that he's fastidiously sealed ("Terrorists are fastidious") only to have it taken away by the TSA? What would he do. Would he take the flight and be forced to contemplate his mistakes. Fuck!--Next time I'm going to put the liquid explosive in cargo. Would he go ballistic? He wouldn't do anything because it would never happen. Even if it did, he wouldn't be a redheaded jew and it wouldn't happen in Austin.

The joke is on them, because the oh so vigilant TSA screeners in Austin let me get through secutiry with an unsealed pint of (very liquid and extremely suspicious) sherry viniagrette salad dressing that I bought at the Driskoll Hotel in downtown Austin.