July 31, 2003

Damn Centipedes

About 30 seconds ago, a large, ugly, red centipede came streaming in from the bathoom as I sat on my bed.

The kittens started following it, but I gathered them up, locked them in the bathroom and Mortein'ed the shit out of it.

Mortein is a bug killer. It's a heavy neurotoxin. As soon as you spray it, the bug starts quivering maniacally. It's very satisfying. I guess I'll never make much of Buddhist.

It's amazing how frightening it is to see one of these prehistoric monsters in your living room. It's not that they can kill you--they can give a nasty, incredibly painful bite. They are just fucking awful, slithering forth with all the legs moving and the mandibles waiting to bite anything that gets in its path. Gives me the Heebie-Jeebies.

3 volunteers in my group have been bitten so far. That's 25% in less than 9 months. I aim to keep on the side of the "not yet bitten".

Like the Queen of Sheba

Lately Magik 98.1 here in Samoa has been playing a cover version of "Aischa" by some group I've never heard of called Outlandish.

The original song was written and sung by an Algerian performer named Cheb Khlaed, the King of Rai - a blend of rock n' roll and traditional North African music. Khaled's voice is hypnotic. He has the ability to transport you to another space and time.

"Aischa" is such a beautiful song. If you don't know it you should try to find it online somewhere for a listen. You can download the mp3 from this Arabic music site I found.

I first heard "Aischa" back when I was lucky enough to be dating a belly dancer. She used the song in her repertoire. Even today I can’t hear the song on the radio (even though it’s not Khaled’s version) without thinking her twirling on the carpet at El Morocco in her gorgeous silvery white costume. It's a great image in my mind.

The lyrics are in French and Arabic. The insert has a the translation in English for those sad monoglots like myself.

Peace Corps Plans Return to St. Kitts

Peace Corps Plans Return to St. Kitts

BASSETERRE, St. Kitts (AP) - The U.S. Peace Corps is resuming service in St. Kitts before the end of the year following a five-year interruption, officials said Thursday.

Three Peace Corps officials traveled to the twin-island Caribbean federation to discuss new education, health, computer and business development projects.

On Wednesday, discussion with government officials focused on where volunteers could be placed to help St. Kitts and Nevis the most, said Peace Corps official Andrew Tonks.

Peace Corps volunteers had served in the country from 1964 until 1998, when the agency left because an arts education program had ended there.

More than 70 volunteers are currently serving in the eastern Caribbean countries of Antigua and Barbuda, Dominica, Grenada, Carriacou, St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, according to the agency's Web site.

Since 1961, more than 170,000 volunteers have served in the Washington, D.C.-based Peace Corps, working in fields including education, health, the environment and agriculture.

St. Kitts is a former British colony with 38,000 residents, which has overcome five hurricanes in six years, a major flood, and low world prices for its banana crop.

July 30, 2003

Coconut Blog

The Coconut Blog, a blog dedicated to "News, Notes, and Dispatches From Wherever Coconuts Grow" (Samoa falls into this category in a big way), has written up American Idle. How very cool. It would be nice if this, and a few other mentions here and there, drive some traffic to my site.

You can find the story at The Coconut Blog here

24 Hours on Craigslist

This is so cool I hardly know where to begin.

(Hey folks, these guys are for real, with some significant film credits to their name (see at bottom for details) and they're working on a documentary film about the craigslist community - it'll be good to tell the everday story of craigslist, and should be fun. thanks! /Craig)

Greetings from Zealot Pictures.

We’re making a movie about craigslist -- or rather, we're making a movie out of craigslist.

We’re going to take one day, Monday, August 4th, 2003, and make a documentary based on the CL postings from that day. Not just the "Best-Of" or the "Success Stories", but a real, down-to-earth look at the fastest-growing grassroots cyber-community in the city that started it: San Francisco. Personal ads, job listings, missed connections, homemade helicopter sales, transgender counseling - everything that moves through the flow of the city's consciousness within a single 24 hour period. There is no script and no agenda other than what the community itself creates on that day, and postings will be followed up to their logical conclusions-- days, weeks or perhaps months afterwards. Stories within stories, worlds within worlds, unforeseen connections and unpredictable encounters across all strata of society-- it all comes together in "24 Hours on Craigslist."

Here’s how it’ll work:

On Monday, August 4th, a box will appear as you make your post. If you would like to participate in the film in any way - going on a date you met on CL, giving an interview about that great job you found, selling your blender, renting your apartment, or even anonymously - just click the box and your posting will be sent to us. We’ll then contact you and set up a time for our film crews to come and meet with you (and perhaps whoever responds to you as well). Don’t be shy, we want to get a bit of everything that happens on craigslist - and we do mean everything.

"One day. One City. One website. No limits."

Other Ways to Participate:

If you would rather not have a crew come out and film you, there are other ways to participate in the Craigslist movie.

-- Send us your own footage

-- Give us an interview through your webcam

-- Just call us on the phone and tell us about your interesting Craigslist story

-- Email us (info@zealotpictures.com)

FAQs

Q: You’re filming this whole movie in one day?
A: No, we’re following up on the posts made on one day. Since most posts are not resolved within a single twenty four hour period most of the film will be shot in the days and weeks that follow our one day.

Q: Are you filming in every city on Craigslist?
A: No, for this documentary, we are just going to focus on the birthplace of Craigslist: San Francisco.

Q: Will you film in other parts of the Bay Area or just SF?
A: Yes, we will have a limited number of crews exploring posts made from outside the city, although the majority of the film will focus on posts made from within the 7x7 square miles of San Francisco.

Q: Are you going to follow up on EVERY single posting during that day?
A: Since there are over 30,000 postings made during just one day in the San Francisco area, that would be impossible. However, we are going to follow up on as broad a spectrum as possible of Craigslist posts.

Who Are We?

We're Zealot Pictures, a San Francisco-based film production/distribution company specializing in passionate community-based documentary and independent feature films. Some of our previous titles include "Confessions of a Burning Man", a feature-length documentary chronicling the journeys of four radically different individuals at the 2001 Burning Man Festival, as well as Kevin Epps' "Straight Outta Hunters Point", a gritty, hard look at the history and present life of the Hunters Point Housing Project, San Francisco's most notorious ghetto. Our work has always centered around social and cultural issues inspired by the people and communities of the Bay Area.

For more information check out www.zealotpictures.com.

And feel free to email us now with your thoughts about the Craigslist movie: info@zealotpictures.com

Thanks,

Zealot Pictures

Computers from Hawaii

This email comes from a recently COS'ed volunteer from Samoa. Shawn was working at "second chance" school in Savai'i teaching basic compuers skills in an environment can only be described as "primitive".

Shawn applied for an extension and was denied. Now here he is working hard to get more and better PCs for the school.

It's really interesting to me that at time when the Bush Administration seems hell bent on increasing volunteer numbers that PCVs should be denied extentions.

Personally, I think that if you can make it through two years of service then if you want to continue, you should have every right to. If there was some kind of problem that would keep the Peace Corps from wanting you in country, they should dealt with it long before the end of service.

Hello all,

This e-mail is all business and no faitala (sorry).

Anyway, I'm hoping to start up a little project here in Hawaii but I need help from all of you. I have computers that need to be taken to Samoa. Let me explain.

I went to an RPCV gathering the other night. There was like 40 people there. Many of the people I talked to work for big companies like hospitals or government departments. A big topic of conversation was on how the RPCV group can do some service projects.

So I was thinking that with all these RPCVs in so many companies, that's a ton of contacts for finding old computers that companies are going to get rid of. Old computers would be VERY valuable in the computer lab of my old school (the Marist Center for Special Learning) in Savaii.

So I sent a mass e-mail to all the RPCVs in Hawaii asking them to check out their workplace and see if there are any surplus computers that just taking up space. If so, then just tell me and I;ll come pick them up. I've gotten a big response and currently have 5 computers with the possibility of many more.

So the next problem is the eternal problem of shipping. It's all well and good to get all these computers but then how the hell to I get them to Samoa. Well, Hawaii is a really popular place for current PC Samoa volunteers to visit. PCs come here for vacation or when they are transiting to go home.

So, what if everytime a PC Samoa volunteer comes through Hawaii, they agree to take with them some computer equipment back to Samoa. Considering volunteers don't have much stuff anyway, they should have a considerable amount of excess allowable backage weight that can be used to take computers back to Samoa.

SO here is what I'm asking from all the volunteers (and even staff). If anyone plans to either visit Hawaii or is transiting through Hawaii to Samoa, could you please be so kind as to lug some extra stuff on the retun leg. If you let me know when you are coming, I can meet you at the airport (or go out for a few drinks). I can then give you the computer stuff (all boxed up) to take back to Samoa where Vic can pick it up and bring it to the school.

What do you think?

So this method is inherently limted in its scope. Volunteers can only take so much computer equipment in excess baggage. But with a steady stream of volunteers I think we can get a fair number of computers over there. Who knows, maybe with some funding for shipping we can expand to include other schools.

Thanks for reading this and let me know if you are flying through Hawaii and are willing to take stuff back....and if you just want to faitala and catch up, defintely e-mail me.

July 29, 2003

Crazy White Girl

MARISSA MIKA
This an interesting story I found on the Daily California written by Marissa Mika who is about to embark on a Peace Corps adventure in Africa.

I really love the part about the nightmare of the medical evaluation process. It brings up such fond memories of my 16 months of Peace Corps application hell

Welcome to the club, Marissa.

It's a good read. Check it out.

It's another summery evening in the South Bay at my parents' house. Much like our family cat who runs away with extreme prejudice every time she sees me, I'm looking for the appropriate place to hide. If I surface long enough, my dad will start to tell me why going to equatorial Africa, land of parasites, malaria and AIDS, is not a good move. Can't I just go to Europe instead?

Over a month ago, I decided to apply for the Peace Corps and received a nomination to serve in Francophone Africa doing health-related issues. The medical paperwork itself is a nightmare—for the past two weeks I've had to meet with a different doc every day for some test or evaluation. The diplomatic footwork at home, however, has proven to be the real clincher.

I can barely get through the door these days to give assorted family members their hugs and smiles before my dad gives me this pensive and worried look that says, "Are you still really going through with this?" Internally heartbroken, I try to be externally smooth and suave, talking about the general progress of the application, how the hunt for grad school programs is going, and how excited I am to go back to the continent.

And I am excited. I'm passionate about development issues and know the Peace Corps is an ideal laboratory for a social scientist. I miss southern Africa down to my very core and desperately want to go back and give something back. I can't wait to return to the bustle of open markets, learning more in a few hours than I've learned in an entire semester of school.

I'm petrified as well. I'm terrified of getting seriously ill. I'm scared of speaking another language or two, although a summer's immersion in French is proving to be a fulfilling exercise. I'm worried about feeling overwhelmed by another country's culture where it is profoundly difficult to be female and white.

These worries are practical. I'd be worried if I wasn't a bit nervous about the laundry list of concerns that accompany any intense change of lifestyle. My deeper concern is that I've somehow misappropriated my priorities in life. Without a doubt, family and friends are what I hold most dear. Traveling, learning and being of general use are all close runners up, but they are nevertheless secondary.

The strain of these past few weeks in jumping from medical appointment to medical appointment has certainly surfaced in my friendships. The stress fractures of this decision are quite evident in my relations with my family, and it's painful. While I fancy myself as a decent diplomat, I don't have the rhetorical skills to completely dodge their concerns. If I did, the U.S. government would be shipping me off to the Middle East right now for mediation duty.

Is it worth it, or am I merely being a crazy white girl? (Or a crazy "umulungu" if you want to employ the slightly derogatory term for white person in isiXhosa or isiZulu.)

When I think about the alternative, which is finding a job that pays the bills while I try to figure out what graduate programs to apply to, it seems like a holding pattern similar to a "stupefy" curse from Harry Potter. I could be frozen for a time and then wake up to find myself in exactly the same place. Put in that light, the decision is obvious.

Now, if only I could make going home for these next few months a little more relaxing and peaceful, although it seems that I am not alone when it comes to going home. As one reader wrote:

"Why is it families take it upon them selves to give such elaborate commentary on the lives of the young people unfortunate enough to be in their presence? My supposedly very educated and extended family members tend to make very critical comments about the choices of one young person in the family and then complain that the young people just a year or so older never come around any more. I am a very logical person. The connection is clear to me.

"Graduating now is so much harder than it was just three years ago. You do not have the armies of recruiters and flood of career fairs we did in 2000. Confusion reigns. Assistance is scarce. What are young people to do when they graduate? With so few options out there, why can't we be more supportive of our grads?"

Just simply avoiding an articulate assault at the dinner table would be a nice beginning.

July 28, 2003

Blue Cheese Pizza

Blue Cheese Pizza
This weekend I made Blue Cheese Pizza.

Twice.

One of the local Italian restaurants, Giordana's, makes a blue cheese pizza which is fantastic, which is how I got the idea. It's not something I ever would have thought of myself. But the blue cheese is so tangy. It really is an incredble taste on the pallette.

When I found a small wedge of blue cheese at Lucky Foodtown for 4 tala 80 on Friday, I had to snap it up.

The sauce was fat free pizza sauce from Trader Joe's that my brother sent to me. I used mozzerella, blue and another cheese from New Zealand called "Tasty". The toppings were fresh basil, cilantro and scallions.

The pizza went down really good with McWilliams Cabernet Shiraz from South Australia. (The Finlandia cranberry is just a candle holder).

I'm definately going to have to make this one again.

July 27, 2003

Lance wins Fifth!

Lance
He wasn't at the top of his game. He was sick. He crashed several times. He had tremendous cyclists breathing down his neck all the way to Paris. Yet Lance Armstrong pervailed to win the Tour. Again.

He joins only four other riders - Jacques Anquetil, Eddy Merckx, Bernard Hinault and Miguel Indurain - as champions who have won the Tour five times. Only he and Indurain have managed 5 consecutive wins.

It's a truly incredible feat for the a man once stricken down with cancer.

How do you measure greatness? Lance Armstrong is good yard stick.

Links:

New York Times
Velo News
BBC Sport

July 26, 2003

National Youth Choir of Great Britain

NYCGB
On Friday night I was walking by the National Cathedral along Beach Road with a few friends. It was raining. We we on our way to dinner at one of the local hotels. Instead we ducked into the cathedral where the National Youth Choir of Great Britain was performing.

Tickets were going for 50 tala (about 18 USD), but I knew someone at the door and we got in for 10.

The National Youth Choir (105 members strong) is well regarded, generally acknowledged to be one of the finest choirs of any kind in the world. This is blessing for the western-culture starved island of Samoa. This is the choir's first trip to Samoa on a world tour that also includes New Zealand, Australia, and Singapore.

The choir’s repertoire is vast, containing masterpieces from the past for massed voices and contemporary music from around the world including songs from Africa, from the Pacific rim and from all parts of Europe, as well as gospel and popular arrangements.

I couldn't get into the the first half of the performance. I was hungry and uncomfortable in the wooden pews of the cathedral. Then during the intermission, we stuffed our faces with egg and tuna salad sandwiches, mini meat pies and ginger mufffins. I felt great.

The second half of the concert was amazing. There were three pieces that I really enjoyed. The first was an arrangement of Billy Joel's "And so it goes". The second was something called "The Seagull" by Irishman John Hearne. For this song, the female members of the choir spread themselves around the perimeter of the church. The song was this man's impression of the flight of a seagull. Each woman sang a slightly different part of this rolling, mystical arrangement. It was haunting and gave me goose bumps. The last song I liked was a Zulu song called "Hamba Lulu" which was just pure fun.

It was a great night in Apia.

July 25, 2003

Seeing Mars

Last night, well for the last several nights really, I could easily make out Mars hanging about 10 o'clock in the northern sky. It's one of the brightest lights in the sky and it's bright orange, just like you'd expect it to be. Amazing.

For someone who grew up on Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars stories, this is really exciting. I have always been fascinated by Mars. I even have a Nat'l Geographic map of the planet hanging above my bed.

The viewing is only going to get better and better, according the obsevratory websites. The Red Planet is becoming well placed for observation and will be at its closest to the Earth for nearly 60,000 years in August. August 28th appears to be the best night for seeing Mars as a "full disc" in the sky. Not that matters for me, looking at it with my naked eye.

There is one telescope amongst the volunteers in Samoa, but it's rummored to be busted, out of alignment or something that renders it unusable. C'est la vie.

There's some really good information about viewing Mars on the Arkansas Sky Observatory website. The NASA site also is choc full of info, pics, etc.

July 24, 2003

Father of Siva Afi Dies

Olo
Father of fire-knife dance dies
By Terry Tavita
24 July 2003

The man credited as the father of the fire knife dance, ailao afi, has passed away peacefully in Hawai’i.

American Samoa paramount chief Olo Letuli, 84, was a close friend of the Head of State, His Highness Susuga Malietoa Tanumafili II.

A former Senator and a successful businessman, Olo, as he is commonly known, arguably was the first to add fire to the traditional Samoan ailao(knife dance).

As the story goes, Olo, in his days as a young entertainer, did this at a performance in Hawai’i in 1946 because he was bored with his routine.

The ailao, a fierce traditional dance that involves the constant twirling of the adze-like weapon, nifo oti, was a pre-war ritual to psyche up warriors.

ADDITION OF FIRE

The ailao afi, with the addition of fire at both sides of the nifo oti, has since become the highlight of Pacific Islands floor shows and a distinct feature of Samoan entertainment.

In recognition of the daring skills required of fire-knife dancers and its potential as a crowd-puller, O’ahu’s Polynesian Cultural Center established the World Fire Knife Dance Competition.

Now in its 10th year, it has become a calendar event in the state of Hawaii and invites ailao afi dancers from around the world to show their moves.

BEST OF FRIENDS

Over the years, Olo and His Highness have become the best of friends.

The Head of State, when he visits American Samoa, always stayed with his friend Olo despite accommodation arranged by the territorial government there.

Vice versa, Olo is a regular guest at the Head of State’s home when he visits.

According to Papali’itele Audrey Malietoa, His Highness’s Secretary, the Head of State has taken his friend’s death as something that happens.

“He realises that life goes on,” she said.

Olo’s body is expected to be returned to American Samoa for burial. Papali’itele said that currently no plans have been made for His Highness to attend the funeral.

She said the Head of State, who is 90, remains in good health.

Olo Letuli is survived by his wife Pat, five children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Does that Kevlar Vest Come in Blue?

There's a great story in the New York Times that I came across via my fellow PCV Kris Rush's website

The story, written by a former Peace Corps volunteer Avi Spiegel who served in Morocco, suggests that the Peace Corps is both too hasty in pulling volunteers from dangerous situations in places like Jordan and Uzbekistan, for example, and not fast enough in placing in the field in places where they can be a of maximum assistance such as Iraq and Liberia.

I definately echo Mr. Spiegel's concerns. While no one wants to see volunteers coming home in body bags, it's really a shame that in places like Iraq and Somalia, all the locals ever see of America is a guy in desert cammos with a high powered machine gun.

I suggested in an email home back in April (see "more" below) that I would love to serve in Iraq. It's the exactly the type of situation where the Peace Corps can be effective by aggressively meeting the needs of people at the grass roots level. I'm sure I can do a hell of lot more good, not to mention interesting, work there than I can sitting on my tuchus in Samoa.

Send in the Peace Corps
By AVI M. SPIEGEL

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's dreams of a leaner and meaner military, a smaller yet more modernized force, are in jeopardy. Faced with continued resistance in Iraq and peacekeeping duties in Afghanistan, Pentagon officials are now considering proposals to expand and restructure American forces amid fears that longer deployments will result in an overextended military.

Their focus may be misplaced. The question of how to reorganize the armed forces should be turned on its head: instead of making the military better at humanitarian assignments (in Iraq, Afghanistan and perhaps Liberia), humanitarian groups should strive to become more comfortable in military situations.

The Peace Corps, America's oldest overseas volunteer program, should equip itself to enter regions it now deems too dangerous. A force of trained and educated volunteers could improve its cooperation with the military and learn how to conduct itself in such settings.

With Congress debating spending on the Peace Corps and Americorps, it is time to update the Peace Corps' mission. Even in the face of mounting budgetary concerns, neither the military nor the Peace Corps is likely to react well to calls for a more active, less gun-shy Peace Corps.

Indeed, most humanitarian organizations cling to their independence and worry that any semblance of cooperation with the military might jeopardize their credibility. In postwar Iraq, on the other hand, the military was slow to allow international humanitarian workers into the country because of concerns over their protection, and volunteer organizations complained about lack of access.

The lessons are telling: there are humanitarian workers who are capable of entering dangerous situations, and better relations with the military just might allow them better access.

Even journalists in Iraq gave up reservations about being "embedded" in the military. No one is suggesting Peace Corps volunteers answer to the military. But isn't providing humanitarian assistance at least as important as reporting the news?

Amid tales of declining troop morale or of soldiers assuming draining humanitarian duties, America's volunteer humanitarian force — the Peace Corps — has been notably absent in Iraq and Afghanistan. The reluctance to send volunteers into potentially dangerous situations might have been understandable in the past. The agency was formed in 1961, during the cold war, when the battle against Communism shaped United States foreign policy. Peace Corps volunteers were frequently withdrawn from any country in which the political situation became unstable.

Today the war on terror guides America's foreign policy, and it is all-encompassing. No nation is totally immune from danger. If it only allowed its volunteers in safe, stable countries, the Peace Corps would risk being shut out of too much of the world. The security situations in these countries may not change, but the Peace Corps can.

Four years ago I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Morocco. Today I simply would not have that option. The Peace Corps withdrew earlier this year from its lone outposts in the Arab world, Morocco and Jordan. (The organization announced yesterday that it would return to Jordan next year.) Meanwhile, the Pentagon is planning to expand its military presence in the region.

Unfortunately, the Peace Corps removes its volunteers just when they are needed the most: when anti-Americanism is running unchecked and the need for contact with ordinary American citizens is greatest. Volunteers who have just graduated from college may not be prepared to serve in these challenging settings. But there are surely Americans, given the right amount of training and experience, who would relish the chance.

From North Africa to the Persian Gulf, the sole face of America is too often the face of a soldier. American citizens deserve the chance to change that image — for their own good and for the good of their country.

Avi M. Spiegel, a student at Harvard Divinity School and the New York University School of Law, was a Peace Corps volunteer in Morocco from 1998 to 2000.

DISPATCH FROM THE (PEACE) FRONT

11 April 2003

Since the war started, I often lie in bed at night an try to tune in my shortwave radio, mostly without success. It's incredibly frustrating. I went out and bought myself a new radio just so I could keep myself informed in times like this. However, there are very few signals coming through to the South Pacific these days. BBC doesn't broadcast here anymore. Voice of America, forget it. Occasionally I can pick up Radio Australia, but more often, the transmission is full of static. I hear broadcasts in other languages, possibly Mandarin, possibly Vietnamese, definitely indecipherable. I once tuned in Radio Tehran when I was living in Matautu, but never since. I'd love to hear stories again about how the "Zionist Entity" is controlling the actions of America. Oh well.

Most of the local radio stations have some semi-hourly news service from Radio Polynesia or Radio New Zealand from which I glean snippets of information here and there. It's neither regular nor comprehensive, so I'm always left wanting. This morning I was listening to an insteresting program from Tonga about the importance of shortwave radio to an island nation with no TV. Right in the middle of the report, the program cut out and instead I was listening to a horrible cover of "uptown girl".

Peace March, Apia

TV Samoa has been broadcasting CNN or BBC world service during most days, but I don't have much access to television. There used to be one in the Peace Corps office, but no longer. It was brought out initially at the onset of hostility, but I haven't seen it around lately. I probably could go out of my way and hunt one down, but for whatever reason, I haven't. I did catch a Don Rumsfeld/Dick Meyers press conference on Armed Forces TV that preempted the better part of the first half of the NCAA championship game on Monday, but that's the extent of it.

Every so often I get a copy of the local paper, the Samoa Observer. The mast-head boasts that it is "award-winning", however, this is certainly not for its international coverage which is all gleaned from Yahoo! News with such alacrity that the links (news - web sites) are left sitting in the text of the paper. Very comical.

So the Internet remains as my major source of information. I tend pull up Google News since it's fast loading, has the most recent stories and contains links to sites all over the world. I've read coverage from the New York Times, The Spectator of London, Al-Jazeera, and the Miami Herald, just to name a few. However following the war on the web lacks a certain immediacy.

I've read many of the accounts of how this is most tightly covered war since Vietnam. There are dozens of reporters in the field, some independent, but most "embedded" with specific divisions as they make their way across Iraq. The best reporting I've seen comes from Newsweek, which provides a free subscription to Peace Corps volunteers. This is a fantastic service for us, however the magazines don't exactly arrive on time and often they come in clumps. It's something of an effort to read through a single Newsweek in a night, let alone three. And when the news is several weeks old, well, sometimes it's hardly worth the effort at all.

The effect of all this lack of media, it that often seems as though the war is not happening. If it is happening, it's in some alternate universe.

My experience is so much different from previous action in Iraq. During the first Gulf War, I was a junior at UC-Santa Cruz. A young female student came bursting into to my Horace & Catullus class to announce that "bullets were flying over Baghdad". While not quite accurate, we certainly got the point. Within hours the students at Santa Cruz started to mobilize with speed that would make their hippy parents proud. They gathered in large groups to organize protests and discuss the quickest routes to Canada. I spent most of the next several weeks on the couch glued to CNN watching "pool coverage" and getting very little hard information. That's happens when the former head of the CIA is in the oval office.

In the final days of 1998 I was in Egypt. It was right in the middle of that Monica Lewinsky business. I'll have to check the dates exactly, but I think it was the 15th of December that Clinton launched a cruise missile attack on Iraq. I spent the next 3 months in and around the Middle East. I never feared for my safety except once when I met an Iraqi in Jordan who was forced by the sanctions to leave his family and try to eek out a living elsewhere. I don't think I've ever felt such incredible hate. Fortunately there were several friends around who managed to diffuse the situation. For the most part, everyone I came across was eager to talk to me, engage in discussion or debate or simply hear my opinions. Almost everybody was informed, most people more so than I. I can't remember anyone who didn't want to talk about what was going on.

The reality in Samoa is much different. You couldn't get much further from the Middle East than the South Pacific. Samoa is a net importer of oil and petroleum products so the war will effect the economy, most notably at the pumps. However, there seems to be a lack of curiosity about Iraq. No one, not a single person has said anything to me about the war. Debate here is almost nonexistent. It is replaced instead by rumor and innuendo that causes low-grade paranoia. During the attack on Afghanistan, rumors flew that Islamic extremists, including (for some unknown reason) the brother of Osama bin Laden, had drifted into the country. Men of "Middle Eastern extraction" were allegedly seen casing the U.S. Embassy and the Australian High Commission. There was a resort on the south side of Upolu that was booked solid for months by some group. Naturally, Islamic extremists. Who else could it be?

On the 14th of March there was a "Peace March" in Apia, but it was so nonpolitical, that it was almost pointless. There was nothing spontaneous about it and it was highly orchestrated by the government. There was some guy from the police who was going around taking away any signs which he deemed to be offensive. These mostly included any which a mention of "war". I'm not really sure why they were culling the signs, but my guess is that Samoa can't really afford to offend its major benefactors, Australia and the USA.

It looks as though the war went better than expected for the "Coalition" forces. I hope now that our energy will turn towards rebuilding Iraq and, along with it, our image among the people of the Middle East. I think the Peace Corps has a role to play in the new Iraq. It's only a matter of time before whatever new government is formed invites us into the country. If the timing works out right, I would love to be a part of it.

Cat Talk

Meowlingual
I have a pretty good idea of what my kittens are thinking, but how cool would it be to know for sure?

Now if only they could come up with a gagdet that could translate human speech into meows. Then we'd really have something. How do you say, "don't piss on my mattress again or I'm going to feed you to the dogs" in meow?

Japanese toymaker offers cat-language interpreter
TOKYO (AFP) - Takara Co. of Japan will launch a device that translates cats' meows into human speech in November after the smash-hit dog-language electronic interpreter Bowlingual, a spokeswoman said.

The nation's number two toymaker aims to sell 300,000 units of the hand-held gadget by March 2004.

"We do not have an immediate plan to sell (the product) overseas but this could be a possibility," said the spokeswoman.

Shares in Takara soared 42 yen or 5.68 percent to end the morning at 781 yen on the Tokyo Stock Exchange, in contrast to the key Nikkei-225 average, which slipped 0.9 percent to 9,663.07 points.

Meowlingual shows "translations" of cat language on its liquid crystal display when held close to the animals, the spokeswoman said.

The device will be priced at 8,800 yen (75 dollars), less than the 14,800 yen dog owners pay for Bowlingual.

Bowlingual has sold 300,000 units in the six months to March 2003 since its launch last September, and would have sold more had supply kept pace with demand.

The 120-dollar gadget ventured overseas to South Korea in late May and is set to make its US debut in August.

Klepto Cat

I love this story, for the obvious reasons.

This Cat Burglar Is Really a Cat SIMI VALLEY, Calif. - A cat burglar's booty is being hoarded in a Ventura County home.

A marauding feline named Midnight — now dubbed Klepto Cat — has been sneaking off in the dark to raid neighbors' homes, garages, sheds and patios, bringing home shoes, hats, shirts, socks and even a wrapped Christmas present.

It's stressful for pet owners Richard and Sue Boyd.

"We get so embarrassed by this," Sue Boyd said. "We wake up in the morning and go out and there's stuff under the truck. The cat leaves things all over. We don't want these things."

"He's a klepto cat," her husband said.

Each day, Midnight's owners leave a bag with the purloined goods hanging from their mailbox so neighbors can reclaim missing items.

It is unclear why Midnight prefers wearables.

Gary Sampson, an Indianapolis-based veterinarian who specializes in cat behavior, said the 13-year-old cat is probably drawn to body odors.

"He's obviously a hunter," Sampson said. "He's doing this at night. This is when they can get prey. It's just an extension of that."

Police Sgt. Paul Fitzpatrick said there isn't anything the police could do about Midnight's crimes, except refer the complaint to animal control.

I can only wonder what stuff my cats would come home with if they started stealing from my neighbors.

July 23, 2003

Mak on a Hot Tin Roof

Mak
The other day, I was taking a shower, and out my window I could hear faint dsitress meows. I quickly toweled off and found that my male kitten Makelani had gotten up on the roof of the car port.

Now, if it was Filemu, the female, I wouldn't have been worried a bit. She's incredibly dexterous. Mak, on the other hand, is a notorious clutz. It's hard to believe they came out of the same womb.

Mak is up there crying and rubbing himself against the sheet metal roof as if I'm going to come up there and play with him. I knew he could get down, but it required some coaxing. Eventually he used a banana tree as a bridge and made his way down to terra firma.

I know, it's not a very interesting story, but I needed an excuse to post this picture. I love the eyes.

July 22, 2003

A Consipracy of Paper

A Consipracy of Paper
My cousin Lisa just sent me this book and it flew through it. It's sort of a historical, financial, thriller of a murder mystery set in 18th century London with a Jewish subplot, if you can believe that.

One of the most interesting aspects of this book is that the main character and his family are all from Portugal, therefore Sephardic Jews. In the story, it's the Sephardic Jewry who are ascendendant while the Tudesco Jews, or Askenazhim, are the downtrodden emigrees from Eastern Europe.

It's interesting how things have turned around. These days, generally speaking the Askenazi jews pretty much run everything (in Israel, I mean), while the Sephardim are marginalized.

Here's the blurb from author David Liss's website:

Benjamin Weaver is an outsider in eighteenth-century London: A Jew among Christians; a ruffian among aristocrats; a retired pugilist who, hired by London’s gentry, travels through the criminal underworld in pursuit of debtors and thieves.

In A Conspiracy of Paper, Weaver becomes entangled with a crime of the most personal sort, involving the mysterious death of his estranged father, a notorious stock-jobber. To find the answers he seeks, Weaver must contend with a garrulous prostitute who knows too much about his past, estranged relatives who remind him of his alienation from the Jewish faith, and a cabal of powerful men in the world of British finance who have disguised their business dealings with an intricate web of deception and violence.

Relying on brains and brawn, Weaver uncovers the beginnings of a strange new economic order based on stock speculation – a way of life that poses great risks for investors, but real dangers for Weaver and his family.

In case you didn't know here's a brief description of the differences between Askenazic and Sephardic Jews that I cribbed from a jewish website:

After the Destruction of the First Temple, around 450 BCE, the Jews were exiled to Babylon (modern day Iraq). After the 70-year exile many returned.

However, the majority of the Jews did not return, preferring Babylon instead. The Jews in Israel were again exiled in 70 CE, this time by the Romans. The Roman exile created communities in Europe and North Africa.

The European communities were mainly in France, Spain and Rome, some in Germany as well. The Jews in France and Germany became known as Ashkenazim (Hebrew for "Germans") and the Jews in Spain became known as Sephardim (Hebrew for "Spaniards").

The Jews in Spain, which for hundreds of years was under Arab rule, had connection and communication with the Jews of North Africa and the Middle East, and hence all the Jews of these lands became known as Sephardim.

Differences in custom developed over many years; some had their origin in halachic disputes among the Rabbis of the various communities, and some in outside cultural influences.

Whitney's Wacky Israel Visit

There's a copy of US magazine floating around the Peace Corps office here in Samoa. While I was waiting to get on a computer, I flipped through it's pages and came across this brilliant piece of journalism:

Whitney's Wacky Israel Visit "It's home, it's home!", proclaimed, Whitney Houston, 39, about Israel on her first trip to the Holy Land. During her six-day visit, she, husband Bobby Brown, 34, and daughter Bobbi Kristina, 10, stayed with the Black Hebrews, a sect of 2,000 vegan polygamists.

Call me crazy, but the real wacky story isn't Whitney et al visiting Israel, it's that there are fucking 2,000 vegan polygamists in the Holy Land.

Is it me?

The Black Hebrews

Note: The Black Hebrews are not Ethiopian Jews.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Black Hebrews, a sect whose full name is "The Original African Hebrew Israelite Nation of Jerusalem," have two centers of activity: Chicago and Dimona. About 1,250 members, led by Ben Ami Carter, live in Israel-most of them in Dimona, and the rest in Arad and Mitzpe Ramon, with some others residing in other parts of the country.

The Black Hebrews believe that they are descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel. They live according to their own special rules of conduct. Polygamy is permitted and birth control is forbidden. Their leaders decree who will marry whom, performing the weddings and approving annulments. Their dietary laws prohibit the eating of meat, dairy products, eggs and sugar; members who are caught consuming these foods are punished. Members must adopt Hebraic names in place of their former "slave names." According to Black Hebrew custom, the woman's responsibilities focus on child­rearing and other family obligations. The Black Hebrews' closed society is isolated from the mainstream and all infractions of their rules are severely punished.


The first Black Hebrews began arriving in Israel in 1969, entering the country on temporary visas that were periodically renewed. In the meantime, the Chief Rabbinate of Israel declared that the Black Hebrews were not Jews, and therefore the sect's members were not entitled to Israeli citizenship under the Law of Return. Nevertheless, the Black Hebrew population in Dimona continued to grow due to their high birthrate and because many of them, some with criminal backgrounds, illegally entered Israel using various forms of subterfuge. The Government of Israel avoided deporting the Black Hebrew members who lived in the country illegally, but at the same time also refrained from granting the Black Hebrews citizenship or permanent residency. During the tension that developed during the 1970s and especially the 1980s, some members of the sect engaged in anti­Israel activity and propaganda, aligning themselves with anti­Semitic groups. They claimed that the white Jews were "imposters," and that they, the Black Hebrews, were the rightful inheritors of the land of Israel.


The Black Hebrews acquired legal status in an agreement reached with the Israel Ministry of the Interior in May 1990. According to that agreement, the Black Hebrews were initially granted tourist status with a B/1 visa that entitled them to employment; a year later they were given temporary resident status (A/5) for a period of five years. At the end of the five-year period, in 1995, their status was extended for another three years. In 1998, their status will come up for review.


Currently they receive two special benefits:


A. They are entitled to stipends paid by Israel's National Insurance Institute (social security)-such as child support, assistance to the disabled, aid for the elderly, supplemental income, etc. Indeed, 830 members of the sect are receiving such benefits from the NII.


B. The Israel Ministry of Education assists and subsidizes the operation of a school for the Black Hebrew children. Today the school serves 700 pupils who study in 14 classes. The U.S. Congress has assisted this school by appropriating $1 million, half of which was designated for constructing the school facility.


The Black Hebrews derive their income from their famous choir, their seamsters' workshop, which provides the sect with its colorful clothing, and from their vegetarian restaurant in Arad's commercial center, with an adjacent
factory for vegetarian food products.

Peace Corps to Return in Jordan



Peace Corps Program to Reopen in Jordan
WASHINGTON, D.C., July 22, 2003 – Peace Corps Director Gaddi H. Vasquez announced today that Peace Corps volunteers would return to Jordan as early as January 2004. The program was suspended in November 2002 due to security concerns in the Middle East. The situation has recently been reassessed and determined safe for the return of Peace Corps volunteers.

Director Vasquez went to Jordan in December 2002 to meet with and thank His Majesty King Abdullah II for his support of the Peace Corps and his continued dedication to the work of volunteers in Jordan.

“We are extremely excited about returning volunteers to Jordan. The Jordanian government is extremely supportive of the Peace Corps, and they have been instrumental in the timeliness of Peace Corps’ return to their country, “ stated Director Vasquez.

Peace Corps began service in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan in 1997. Since then, 216 volunteers have worked in the areas of community development initiatives, micro-enterprise development for women, environmental management and awareness, and teaching English as a foreign language. Volunteers in Jordan also participate in special education programs that support hearing and visually impaired students.

Since 1961, more than 168,000 volunteers have served in the Peace Corps, working in such diverse fields as education, health and HIV/AIDS education, information technology, business development, the environment, and agriculture. Peace Corps volunteers must be U.S. citizens and at least 18 years of age. Peace Corps service is a two-year commitment.

July 21, 2003

Armstrong in Dogfight

Lance
Lance Armstrong still maintains the lead in the Tour de France, but only a scant 15 seconds ahead of close rival Jan Ullrich, who, I think, is the only other rider in this year's field to have won the Tour previously.

It's incredible how close this is. Think about this. They've gone about 1500 miles and are only separated by a quarter of a minute. In a 100m sprint, a spread of that same ratio wouldn't even be thousands of a second.

If you're wondering, the closest finish ever in the TdF was back in 1989, won by American Greg LeMond, the only other Yank besides Armstrong to win the Tour.

LeMond trailed frenchman Laurent Fignon by 50 seconds overall going into the final time trial in Paris. No one gave him much chance of clawing back that time in just 24.5 kilometers but the new triathlon-style handlebars were a distinct advantage as he beat Fignon by 58 seconds. After 3,285 kilometers of racing a mere eight seconds separated the two men overall. It doesn't get any more dramatic than that.

Hiopefully this year will be more of the same. Too bad I can't watch it.

July 20, 2003

The Recruit

The Recruit
I rented "The Recuit" over the weekend and was completely underwhelmed. Colin Farrell's performance was really weak. It might as well have been Freddie Prinze, Jr. The music was horrible. And the story did nothing to engage me. It's all the more disappointing because this storyline of intrigue around CIA recruits has so much potential.

This all brings to mind something that I've been thinking about for years which is why movies get re-made. It seems that Hollywood has a passion for remaking movies that were good. Movies lke "Pshyco" and "Cape Fear" are good examples. This makes no sense to me at all.

What I think is that movies like "The Recuit", which sucked in the original version, should be remade. Start from scratch, fine tune the script, rework the score and turn it into a movie worth watching again and again.

Can you think of any movies that should be remade?

July 19, 2003

Thai Chicken Pizza

Thai Chicken Pizza
I probably shouldn't be able to make Thai Chicken Pizza while I'm in the Peace Corps, but I can, so what the fuck. I found the recipe online. All the ingredients are available here in Samoa. Some things, like chili oil, were quite expensive. Rice vinegar costs 20 tala for a little bottle, so I went without it.

The dough in the recipe came out really soft and after letting it sit for an hour or so, it had almost tripled in size. Maybe I overdid it with the yeast. I don't have small measuring spoons, so I have to eyeball it for tea and tablespoons.

Then when I put it in the oven, the dough kept expanding and expanding until it went from a thin crust to a deep dish, but no matter. It was really the toppings that made this pizza.

Here's the recipe. It's a bit of a chore, but when you little or nothing else to do and very few obligations, it's easy to find the time. You won't believe how good this pizza is.

Dough 1 T. honey 1 C. warm water 2 tsp. active dry yeast 3 C. all-purpose flour 1 tsp. salt

Topping
3 1/2 T. peanut butter
3 T. brewed tea
3 T. rice vinegar
2 T. soy sauce
2 tsp. chili oil
1 T. ginger, minced
2 tsp. honey
1/2 tsp. sesame oil
2 T. sesame seeds, toasted
1 1/2 T. green onions
1/2 lb. chicken breast, cut in 1/4-inch strips
1/2 C. mozzarella cheese, shredded
1 carrot, shredded
1/4 C. cilantro, chopped

For the dough: In a small bowl, dissolve the honey in the warm water. Sprinkle the yeast over the water and stir until it dissolves. Let the yeast mixture stand for 5 minutes, until a layer of foam forms on the surface.

In a large bowl, combine the flour and the salt. Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and pour the olive oil and the yeast mixture. Stir the flour into the wet ingredients, until all the flour is incorporated. If its too dry, add more water. On a lightly floured surface, knead the dough for 15 minutes, until it
is smooth and elastic.

Shape the dough into a ball and put in a well-oiled bowl. Cover with a moist towel and let rise in a warm place until double in bulk (about 1-1/2 hours).

For the topping: Combine peanut butter and next 7 ingredients (to sesame oil) in a blender. Process until smooth. Set aside. In the meantime, season chicken strips with red pepper and salt. Sauté in 2 tablespoons olive oil, until done (about 7 minutes).

Coat chicken with 2 tablespoons peanut sauce. Set aside in the refrigerator. Punch the dough down, and divide into 2 equal portions. Roll out each portion into an 9-inch flat circle.

Spread 1/4 cup peanut sauce over the surface of each of the doughs. Distribute 1/2 of the cheese over the sauce. Repeat with other pizza. Distribute 1/2 of the chicken over the cheese.

Repeat with other pizza. Place the pizzas in the oven (on top of pizza stones). Bake until crust is crispy and cheese is bubbling (8-10 minutes). Remove pizzas from the oven and sprinkle each with carrot and cilantro. Servings: 2

Ganja Girl

It seems Chief Justice Patu Tiavaasu’e Falefatu has a full docket these days. There was a major drug bust at the Fagali'i airport. A 12-year old girl was nabbed with 9 bags of ganja attached to her person.

The airport where this happened is right around the corner from my house. I ride past it almost every day on my bike on my way to town.

It's just a simple airstrip surrounded by coconut palms and banana trees. There are pigs and chickens running around all over the place. It's hard to beleive that such nefarious activity (international drug smuggling) is taking place in such a bucolic setting.

Charged! 15 July 2003 A woman and her 12-year-old daughter charged over an alleged attempt to smuggle bags of marijuana to American Samoa are escorted out of the Supreme Court by Police yesterday.

They were released on bail by Chief Justice Patu Tiavaasu’e Falefatu.

They were arrested after officials at Apia’s Fagalii Airport allegedly found a number of marijuana bags taped to the girl’s body.

It came after she checked in for a flight to Pago Pago.

The mother and daughter were remanded to 28 July without pleas being taken. This will enable them time to hire a lawyer.

Chief Justice Patu ordered the woman to surrender all travel documents to the Police. He told her she must report to the Police CIB each Monday, Wednesday and Friday before noon.

Girl, 12, carrying drugs
By Jasmine Netzler and Malia Sio
11 July 2003

A 12-year-old girl was caught at Apia's Fagalii Airport trying to catch a plane to American Samoa with bags of marijuana taped to her body, Police confirmed yesterday.

Nine bags of dried marijuana leaves were seized.

The girl was taken into Police custody after the airport authority contacted the Police.

The authority had been tipped off that the girl was carrying the drugs.

Acting Police Commissioner Tuitoga Poe Ualesi, confirming details, said Police expect to make arrests.

REGULAR
The girl is a regular passenger on Samoa Air flights to American Samoan, Joseph Fidow, a traffic agent at Fagalii, said.

She flies every month, he said.

The girl was with a woman who left her at the check-in point.

Mr Fidow said he checked her in but did not suspect she was carrying marijuana.

Police have previously made a series of seizures and interceptions of marijuana being smuggled to American Samoa, both by air and sea.

Last year, authorities in American Samoa expressed concern at the number of Samoans from Upolu bringing drugs into the territory.

Marijuana has even been found in umu boxes bound for American Samoa.

Carnal Knowledge

This item appeared in the Samoa Observer recently:

Man charged with carnal knowledge By Mathew Lemisio 15 July 2003

A man appeared in the Supreme Court yesterday on a charge of carnal knowledge. Court documents identified the victim in this case as the accused’s sister-in-law.

Police sources also noted that there would be more people probably brought before the court on similar charges involving the same girl.

The victim in this case is a minor under the age of 14.

The accused had been remanded on bail to receive legal aid before reappearing before Chief Justice Patu Tiavaasu’e Falefatu on Monday, July 28th for mention.

This is a really horrible story, probably all too common here. The only unique aspect of it is that the man was actually caught.

On the other hand, I wish someone would charge me with carnal knowledge. That sounds like fun. (minus the fourteen year old sister-in-law part).

July 18, 2003

Excel from Dummies

The email below was forwared to me by a good friend of mine who went to Yale where he met no shortage of whackos, oddballs and misfits masquerading as America's finest young intellectuals and scholars.

I can't decide whether this email is sad or frightening. Whatever it is, it's seriously funny.

There's definately a padded room somewhere on the eastern seaboard reserved for this guy.

Boy, I LOVE Excel. Now that won't come as a surprise to any of you, I'm sure...

Back when I first started keeping a journal in Februray 1986, I would sometimes basically list who my friends were. It wasn't formally done, but I would write, "At school the kids I hang out with are [so-and-so, this kid, that kid...]"

Then, in '91, after my coma scrambled up my brains into mush, I started to REALLY keep a list, not names mentioned in a journal, but a list for list's sake. At first I would just list my friends at Yale, my friends at high school, and my friends from elsewhere in whatever order they came into my head. Eventually, in the fall of '91, when I was back in New Haven and working at the public library (but not yet back in school), I started RANKING my friends. (God, that was fun when I first did that, it really was...)

I didn't have a universal ranking system, because that would have been too difficult, but three (Yale, Sleepy Hollow, Other) separate ones, with however many people I wanted to put on each. I think I had about 35 Yalies on the Yale list... that was more of a wish list than a reality, including at least a few cool people who I certainly knew and got along with well when we saw each other, but didn't really ever hang out with one on one. The Sleepy Hollow list and the Other list were shorter; I was able to make the Yalie list so long because at Yale, which was not small but not big either, one had the opportunity to know tons of people (I'm sure I knew hundreds at least slightly), but the campus was small enough that you would inevitably run into quite a few of them on a regular basis, unlike how it is at Ann Arbor (I assume). I remember one time when CS and JR from SHHS visited me, they were just marveling at how popular I w as, because every two seconds we would see someone that I knew. Actually, I wasn't popular at all, as it isn't in my nature to be popular, and I've always been tolerated at best by most people, in every single environment I've found myself in, starting with day care. No, that was just how Yale worked, almost everyone had tons of acquaintances.

Anyway, my Sleepy Hollow list and my Other list only included people I was still in touch with, sensibly enough (to beat a dead horse, I was "in touch" with all of the Yalies by the simple fact of seeing them regularly on campus at the very least, and some I actively socialized with).

Eventually, I decided to stop ranking people. Especially when we're talking about the folks near the top, it just doesn't make sense to try to say that X person ranks above Y person.

So, for a spell, I reverted to random lists of friends (although still in 3 categories). Maybe I even stopped making the lists for a while. (Sometimes preferring to focus on lists of hundreds of actors, or novelists, or hot famous women, or what have you... lists that I would write on pieces of scrap paper and then immediately throw out. Yes, there was NO purpose to this...))

But eventually, after I moved to Manhattan my Friend Lists started to move toward their glorious present state. The first major influence was the New York State Lottery.

Not too long after I started playing the Lottery, it became quite clear that a massive windfall was imminently in the offing for me. As a man of great generosity, I knew that I would share my good fortune with friends and family. However, it didn't make sense to me to give the same amounts to everyone... sure, I would give SOMETHING to my cousins in Jersey, Uncle Rollie's boys, but would I give them as much as I would give my parents? After all, I never see those guys anymore, and they're only my step-cousins anyway, as they're not Rollie's biological children but the kids of his second wife, Aunt Loida. So no, of course I wouldn't give them as much. (Actually, NO ONE would get as much as my parents, but I think that's standard practice for (single, childless) people, except in truly dysfunctional families.)

So I did the same kind of process for my friends... my closest friends would get X amount, and I went down from there in steps until I got to those people who were more than acquaintances but not yet close friends, or maybe would never be close friends.

Yeah. Everyone would get at least .1% of my net haul from a Lotto win. Now, if I won a $3,000,000 jackpot and 3 other people also won, that might be a little awkward, because by taking the reduced lump sum payment, and after taxes, as one of 4 winners I would only have $225,000 or so. Telling someone, "I won the Lotto, so I wanted to give you 225 bucks," that might feel a little awkward. I hoped that I was the sole winner of a jackpot of a hundred mil, let's say, because then I would be handing out at least 30 thou to everyone. (Although the gift-tax law would only allow me to give ten thou a year to individuals without Uncle Sam taking a bite. I can't remember, but GWB got that law modified, or removed entirely, didn't he? To help his rich pals out?)

So I had five groups of people, with 5 different percentages of my Lotto win headed their way.

Okay. Now here's the second major influence on the Friends List: NBC's "Friends."

This program (which has touched ALL of our lives in so MANY ways) stars 6 appealing young (or at least pre-AARP) white New Yorkers, and details their many adventures in the midst of the gorgeous mosaic that is New York, mainly focusing on Ross and his DeNiroesque love of the sistas, from Aisha Tyler to Gabrielle Union. (For me, the show jumped the shark back in '99, when Ross started juggling his romances with those twins from his class, the child-prodigy dinosaur mavens who were played by Mary-Kate and Ashley. It wasn't merely that it seemed far-fetched that Ross would date a fellow white person, as it had been clear from the first episode of the first season that Ross and his pals preferred to romance people of color over "sticking to their own," as it were, but also I'll admit I was bothered by the whole statutory-rape aspect of it; in fact I signed all of the many petitions that circulated protesting the plotline, and agreed with th e decision of the producers to keep the M-K&A episodes out of syndication (along with the removal of all references, no matter how indirect, to the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and Wahabbi Islam).

Yes, so my point is that Friends stars SIX people. This has now become the standard unit of groups of friends for most Americans, or at least the # that people should strive for. Some might argue that Seinfeld established FOUR as the model (following up on the tradition of I Love Lucy & The Honeymooners), but I would disagree, because Elaine and Kramer were never really all THAT close, they just weren't. On Friends, ALL of them are incredibly close with each other... sure, there are varying degrees of closeness, but none of the six would hesitate to call any of the others for almost any kind of social activity. And on Seinfeld there were many signs that the four had social lives outside of one another, that they had other friends. (Although George, he didn't have as many outside friends as the others, die he?)

On Friends, while of course they all have active dating lives (as stated above, almost exclusively involving people of color), they wisely shun outside friends, except as occasional plot devices ("Waiting for Gandalf" leaps to mind). In fact, they largely shun their FAMILIES... for example, they apparently find the tradition of Thanksgiving as a family holiday to be rather misguided, and usually choose to spend this day with one another, knowing that wacky hijinks will inevitably ensue.

Sure, Friends isn't the first "Six Show." Perhaps the best model of a Six Show is The Brady Bunch (which of course veered from the appealing Seven Show format of a previous Sherwood Schwartz classic, Gilligan's Island), but that had a sibling feel to it, so it doesn't count in the same way. Nonetheless, it certainly prepared us for Friends.

Oh, but I digress JUST SLIGHTLY... Friends got me to think of six as being the proper friend-unit, so eventually, I made my 5 Lotto groups of 6 friends each (the familial Lotto groups were more loosely structured).

Now, there have always been periods when I haven't played the Lotto, sometimes lengthy periods. I last played the Lotto in July of '02, and I probably won't ever play again, because I suspect that it's not as solid an investment as Berkshire Hathaway, let's say, or as the average slot machine. But once I had my 5 groups of friends of 6 people each, even without the Lotto, and even though I now usually watch reality shows instead of Friends, the 5-tiered structure was quite appealing, and I've kept it ever since.

The 3rd major influence on the Friends List is Microsoft Excel. I have all kinds of Excel lists, only some of which I've shared with the world, but shockingly, it didn't occur to me to put my Friends List in Excel until this past May. So I wrote down the names of all of the people that could be in my Friends List (I hadn't made such a list in a number of months), and decided on the 30 people who would be put in the list's 5 different grades... A, B, C, D, and F. Now, some people might take offense to the idea of someone grading their friends this way, but it's really not offensive at all. All it means is that people on the A List are people I'm much closer to than the people on the F list, for example. It means that they're more integral to my life than the F people, that I care about them more, that it would upset me more if we were no longer friends, that I enjoy their company more, etc . That's all it means, so no one should take offense, really.

I'm sharing this with you because if you don't already have your own Friends List, well you should certainly make one immediately, because it will add to your life in so many ways!

No more random lists on scrap paper that are just thrown in the garbage for me, no sir. Now that I have my Friends List in Excel, each May I'll be able to create a new one, and see how it changes in the years ahead. Man, I just wish that I had kept a formal Friends List all my life, or at least starting when I knew 30 people. I probably knew 30 kids when I was in first grade at P.S. 190, I guess, if you count kids that I knew in school (although I probably just knew kids in my own class in first grade, although I don't remember many details of that time... the only kids I can only remember are Mitchell, Herman, Ziv, and Vanessa, my first love), and kids from my building, and kids from elsewhere. I DEFINITELY knew at least 30 kids when I went to Horace Mann in 3rd grade.

See, and that's what matters... what's important is not that you're actually CLOSE to 30 people, not at all, what's important